don't deconstruct

7.18.10

2010-07-20T23:10:00.000-07:00

i had a dream that aaron dw was my boss and in the dream i was nervous about his ability to lead. my fears were assuaged when he told me he'll be a good boss and buy me pizza every once in a while.

3.9.10

2010-03-11T08:52:00.000-08:00

i had a dream that lisa had me "babysit" her fetus by implanting it in my own belly for a little while. i was happy to help out, but a little pissed cause i wasn't getting as many dates anymore.

1.27.10

2010-01-28T08:58:00.000-08:00

in my dream i was hanging out with emily c, who was black and rolled me a HUGE joint and we watched reruns of a tv show, i think it was the simpsons.

he kissed me bang smash on the mouth

2010-01-21T09:42:00.000-08:00

all i recall is thinking to myself that i couldn't leave the jimi hendrix experience the way i found it.

people actually look at this blog?

2010-01-20T13:40:00.001-08:00

i had a dream that bw challenged me to a gun fight on a frozen pool and my parents took pictures.

don't shush me

2009-12-26T23:57:00.000-08:00

i gave a guy at the orange juice stand in sf 5 dollars to make me some orange juice and he took my five dollars and ate them right in front of me.

michael jackson died of swine flu

2009-10-21T09:19:00.000-07:00

i had a work dream last night. i had to make a blanket explaining the spread of swine flu in salt lake and my feelings about it and i never got to see my blanket but my co-workers told me it was really nice.

just me and my laser pointer

2009-06-03T23:55:00.000-07:00

i dreamed i made a movie i was really proud of and danny hurley mocked it and i was deeply hurt.

a serious fear of birds

2009-05-08T08:44:00.000-07:00

someone told me to chop up snakes and eels and put them in my garden to make my garden grow. then i walked outside and there were snakes and eels everywhere, just waiting to die for me.

experience those experiences

2009-05-07T10:18:00.000-07:00

i had a dream that i went to japan and the only way to get there was by plane, then pontoon boat, then submarine and no one wanted to get on the submarine. but it was the only way.

our easter feet

2009-04-16T05:35:00.000-07:00

i had a dream that an old lady spoiled my meal by throwing dryer sheets on it. i've been dreaming about laundry a lot lately.i think that probably means i need to tell someone my secrets or something.

jerk

2009-04-05T13:10:00.000-07:00

i dreamed i had a $220 burger (130 for the burger and a 90 dollar "airport fee"). i kept telling the waiter that i didn't want this 200 dollar hamburger and he would correct me and say no no...it's 220 dollars. he was a jerk.

shh...keep it like a secret

2009-03-24T23:05:00.000-07:00

i dream about getting ready for the day quite a bit and last night i dreamed that i solved some problem by going out into the hallway and pulling out drawer after giant drawerful of jeans. this dream couldn't be farther from my own reality.

hail to the...

2009-03-18T15:01:00.000-07:00

i keep having dreams that i'm just a little bit pregnant.

technoparty

2009-03-17T09:51:00.000-07:00

i had a dream that i was lee perry and i only had one leg and i absolutely hated my life. i didn't hate my life cause of my leg or because i was lee perry, i just hated it.

when it's christmas in ho chi mihn

2009-03-09T08:37:00.000-07:00

i dreamed my brother was home and we went to a concert with my sister for her birthday. we rode bikes. i realized as we were paying to get in that some dude had just run off with our bikes so i screamed at him.

get back here with my bike you thieving asshole.

so he said ok and turned around and tossed the bike back to me from like far away and i caught it with one hand.

my baby shot me down

2009-02-23T09:38:00.000-08:00

you know how you can see patterns in things (like faces in clouds). i could very clearly see the word "cops" spelled out on my towel last night. and i saw a robber in a water splash in my shower today. these are more like daydreams.

my heart for you

2009-02-11T09:19:00.001-08:00

i had a dream that i was in a horror film about cooking. it was called Chop Chef and it was terrifying.

el zygote

2009-02-04T10:25:00.000-08:00

i dreamed my brother came home from his mission and we were only sort of excited he was back. emily clifford wrote the most incredible blogpost about single cell organisms that referenced all these simpsons clips that dont actually exist but were really funny. and my sister was running away with a boy who had terrible facial hair. my newly returned brother and i had to track them down and kept asking everyone we saw if they'd seen a guy with a face beard and they would all say no no no and shoo us away with their hands. every single one of them.

you are not yet as job

2009-01-30T14:17:00.000-08:00

i ordered myself new business cards in my dream and they came back printed on slices of ham and i was like what am i supposed to do with these?

2009-01-29T10:02:00.000-08:00

I had a dream last night that the Girl Talk guy was at my apartment and wanted to throw a party. Only it wasn't my apartment but rather, the basement of a house. And all of the sudden A TON of people came in, there were people sitting everywhere, on everything. Then out of the blue my elderly landlords, Dick and Jean, came in and said everyone needed to sign waivers in order for the party to go on. But the waiver was like 4 pages long with all sorts of conditions and explanations. But I thought that was pretty impressive because I assumed all of their stipulations meant they had thrown lots of parties and had a lot of experience with them getting out of control. And then everyone signed the waivers so that wasn't so bad. But then Girl Talk guy wanted to watch a movie (I don't remember which one), so he turned on a movie. And people started to leave. And by the time it was over, pretty much everyone was gone. So there wasn't really a party after all.

A Gentle Rub

2009-01-21T19:52:00.001-08:00

I had a dream that Sayid from LOST was giving me a back massage. But I kept getting annoyed because he was too gentle.

moderately priced pornography

2009-01-09T09:21:00.000-08:00

i dreamed i was supposed to be in a porn with anton chigur. the anticipation was the worst part.

young hoppers

2008-12-30T09:04:00.001-08:00

i dont sleep through the night anymore. it's been that way for a few months and it's terrible but on the bright side, instead of deep sleep dreams, i get half awake hallucinations. like just this morning i was picturing myself at my desk, having an argument with someone when a giant disembodied head floated through my office door and told me to stop bossing people around.

Couple Nights Ago

2008-12-22T00:05:00.000-08:00

I was in the movie, The Cutting Edge, and I was like, Oh crap. This is going to suck. I totally can't ice skate. Neither hockey style, nor figure style.

nadoff's sperm

2008-12-17T10:02:00.000-08:00

I had a dream about muffins last night and now i cant remember what happened in my dream but i do remember waking up and thinking to myself that i shouldn't post about it because it was inappropriate.

Last Night I

2008-12-11T18:52:00.000-08:00

Was at the movies (in my dream). I can't remember the movie or who I was with. I just know that I pooped my pants. Not just a little bit. Like a full on movement. And whoever I was with was like, Uh, are you going to do something about that? And I didn't even care. I was way too into the movie.

How We Help

2008-12-08T13:00:00.000-08:00

i dreamed that a contributing member of this blog had a foot fetish and i caught them attacking the feet of several women at once.

going to the river

2008-12-01T14:14:00.000-08:00

i had a dream that my dad was trying to convince our family that his best friend, a man-sized kachina doll, would be a good co-anchor for his news show. we weren't buying it.

wired coulter's mouth shut

2008-11-25T09:48:00.000-08:00

i had a dream that i was trying to nurse my newborn baby and he was having none of it. so i sat him down and we had a very grown-up conversation about why it was important for him to breast feed. he finally agreed when i told him that baby tiger's do it, so he should too.

We will do whatever is forbidden

2008-11-20T09:47:00.000-08:00

I had a dream that this guy andy that i know was trying to get me to pet a fish named bob dylan.

lazy, barfy racers

2008-11-19T15:45:00.000-08:00

em-c and janelle were doing a biking/swimming race. they were almost finished with the race. the finish line was visible, but they both gave up because they were too tired. so we all got in a car to drive away. janelle felt sick, so she threw up in the car. it got on me and it was slimy. i told em-c that janelle threw up, so she threw up in the car too.

my beloved pet

2008-11-19T15:39:00.000-08:00

last night i dreamt that i had this beloved pet that i cherished. it kept switching back and forth between an adorable puppy and a snake. but somehow that did not alter my affection for my pet. i kept trying to protect my pet from dangerous situations. like one time when it was in the form of a snake, a python came and was trying to eat it. we could tell the python was hungry because it looked skinny. my friend had a brilliant idea. we forced open the python's mouth and stuffed it full of hot dogs to curb its appetite so it wouldn't eat my beloved pet snake/puppy. and it worked!

look out upon the myriad harbor

2008-11-07T09:46:00.000-08:00

in my dream i was riding a ski lift with stacy day, only the ski lift was really a couch, and we were making fun of the guy on the ski couch behind us who was making out with like 5 girls at once. i think we were making fun of him cause our feelings were both a little hurt though.

how you gonna have a dream come true?

2008-11-04T22:06:00.001-08:00

2008-11-03T09:19:00.000-08:00

I was riding my bike to the train station on main street and my older brother who lives in Maryland walked by. I stopped to say hello and asked why he was in Salt Lake. He told me all his organs were slowly shutting down. I asked how bad it was. He told me they had lost 28% of their functionality. I asked what organs. He said the front ones (it was sad and serious even if I do science like an 8 year old in my dreams).

we're going in the pool

2008-10-31T09:28:00.000-07:00

i joined an art school except it was more like an elementary school. we we're exhibiting our work. mine was a blackboard i had written a fake menu on. i sold it for 200 dollars. i went back to my desk and found 600 more dollars so i was like "fuck this, i'm just going to quit school cause i have 600 bucks." and then i went over to this weird house. brotus was there rolling all over the floor. then he started playing some song and then made sexual advances towards someone's mother.

but before facebook

2008-10-31T09:19:00.001-07:00

i had a day dream at the halloween spectacular spectacular that dw and i were watching brokeback mountain the best movie to make out to for obvious reasons.

like a night later

2008-10-31T09:12:00.000-07:00

later, we are at the boys' house watching the office. we start kissing but for some reason i think gavin is going to put it on facebook.

maybe it was maine

2008-10-31T09:08:00.000-07:00

i am in a lighthouse because i live there and i want to kiss dw but someone is there and i cant.

Hot Tea

2008-10-30T15:04:00.000-07:00

I dreamed that I was doing a very embarrassing thing. Then I dreamed in my dream that my roommate walked in my room and caught me. Then I woke up from my dream in my dream and was so glad I was only dreaming.

2008-10-27T08:30:00.001-07:00

I was at the Smith's in Provo, in a bikini, where open auditions for The X-Files were being held. All three things were unrelated.

but it was dream within a dream

2008-10-23T15:29:00.000-07:00

last night i had a dream about the internet.

what are you doing on tv?

2008-10-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

i dreamed that i was headed to london with obama's press detail. right as one of the other press agents climbed into my sleeping bag and asked me to marry him, the plane we were on crashed into a river. but we all survived. but one of my two front teeth fell out.

2008-10-23T09:27:00.000-07:00

so Sarah Palin and her whole family were hanging out at my house. only it wasn't my house, it was a creepy old house and it actually belonged to my neighbor Nate (which doesn't really matter I don't think, but I remember it being made a very clear point throughout the dream). and I wasn't super impressed with Sarah because as she was leaving she was looking through my CDs and said she needed to take a couple for the drive home (to Alaska) and one she was going to take was a new mix from my friend Kristina that I hadn't even listened to yet.

BUT THEN...we were sitting at the kitchen table and it came up that she had been in Troll 2! she was the witch/corn seductress! she started to do some of her lines and we were all very impressed. and I knew that even though I wasn't going to vote for her still...maybe that crazy lady wasn't so bad after all.

i had a bad cough

2008-10-17T10:17:00.000-07:00

once dw and i played half a game of scrabble and watched half an episode of home movies and then successfully watched two full episodes of twin peaks.

that wasnt a dream. however, i did dream later that night we kissed.

it's not done being columbus day yet

2008-10-15T08:52:00.001-07:00

in my dream i was really mad about something so to make myself feel better i took my blanket and pillow and went to sleep in my neighbors front yard.

2008-10-15T08:52:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night that I was at Michelle and Elin's house. Then suddenly Natali was there and she was busy crafting custom gift tags...which I found out she sells on the internet. They had photos of people on them and then intricate paper cutouts and she was very particular about anyone touching them.

(Natali I really don't know you well, but I have no real life reason to believe you wouldn't let me touch your gift tags.)

1st Lady/Lady Ace Scandal

2008-10-13T17:11:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream that I had recently ended a secret love affair with Michelle Obama. No one else knew about it except us. She was really worried that I was going to tell someone, so she blackmailed me. (There was no sex in this dream. It was totally after the fact. Sorry.)

This Isn't That Great, But...

2008-10-11T21:49:00.000-07:00

Last night I dreamt that I was watching a Project Runway marathon--like the whole season all in one sitting (which isn't too far-fetched). But p-run slowly evolved from a fashion design contest in the early episodes to gymnastics contest toward the end of the season... that's all.

2008-10-10T20:22:00.000-07:00

I dreamed that when I left Utah forever everyone I knew turned out to say goodbye. And I felt really loved, even though it hurt that everyone was throwing water balloons at me.

deregulation

2008-10-10T08:43:00.000-07:00

i had a dream that the cutest little spiders asked me if they could crawl on my legs. they were very polite.

2008-10-06T09:09:00.000-07:00

last night I had a dream where I was watching the second session of Mormon Conference with my friend Melissa at her apartment.

also, that's what I actually did yesterday. I won't always be so boring though (I might be).

i think about it like you're on vacation

2008-10-02T07:39:00.000-07:00

and i hope you are having a nice trip.

last night's dream had too many things to remember, but it seems to me that the moral of the dream was to watch as little tv as possible. but i do remember getting into multiple fist fights because i spit in some faces but, to be fair, the was a unscheduled meeting of insurance agents and doctors in my room focused on how to con senior citizens into buying these faulty glasses. plus everyone was wearing suits. i hate that. earlier, one of my roommates had a psychotic episode and started shooting my other roommates with a shotgun while i hid under my bed. then it was snowing and all the elementary kids were throwing snowballs at me. but i wasn't sad about that, i was sad about the snow.

enjoying internet legitimacy

2008-09-30T13:09:00.000-07:00

hey guys...

we made it!

finally.

2008-09-28T20:00:00.000-07:00

It was pre-war Nazi Germany and I was an orphan trying to protect a younger orphan from the beatings of the male orphans. Worst dream ever.

And the american people know me so well

2008-09-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

i dreamed that i was eating lunch at a restaurant and kind of wanted to switch from fries to onion rings but was too nervous to ask.

2008-09-24T15:38:00.000-07:00

i had a dream that i met someone very special.

aprilish

2008-09-16T22:01:00.001-07:00

im making out with dw on his twin bed. suddenly he stops to have a smoke. i wonder when he started smoking and why he cant wait until we are done. but it was a pretty good make out.

i was teaching stefano's class

2008-09-16T08:51:00.001-07:00

for him, but my shirt kept coming up. and i had to pull it down. and i couldn't figure out why it kept coming up. and the students were misbehaving. and i had to go outside to the drinking fountain a lot. turns out my shirt was coming up in real life while i was asleep.

i went on vacation

2008-09-15T09:17:00.000-07:00

with my sister and my brother-in-law and their five kids. when we were in portland, my brother-in-law revealed to me that he was planning on killing himself on the trip and asked me to help my sister with the kids on the way home. their kids were really sad when they found out their dad was dead.

Elin's too shy to post this one

2008-09-14T15:06:00.000-07:00

but she tells me she had a dream about cats making love in a parking lot. Not just having sex, but making love.

blanket dreams

2008-09-11T11:23:00.000-07:00

dw and i were making out. he brought his sister and a small quilt. we tried to put the quilt over us so she couldnt watch but it was too small. we kept pulling and tugging but the quilt never got bigger.

i thought maybe i was dreaming, but i wasn't

2008-09-10T12:48:00.001-07:00

i hate people who ride unicycles around campus.

where'd you come from?

2008-09-09T09:21:00.000-07:00

i dreamed i moved into a new house and my new roommates kept painting new pictures on my walls for me everyday when i left for work. my favorite painting was of people dancing on top of a fire truck.

so

2008-09-08T08:24:00.000-07:00

i had a dream that greg told me that he didn't believe in god. i told him that i go back and forth all the time and then we had a really long conversation about it.

The Black Mansion

2008-09-02T08:57:00.000-07:00

stories, he said, terrible stories.

like what? i asked, not sure if i really wanted to hear any.

well, The Warden was obsessed with the occult, egyptian mysticism, that sort of thing. he'd spend hours poring over salvaged papyrus they had stored up in the church archives. he wasn't a member of the twelve, but he was close with brigham young and his.. eccentricities seemed to have the tacit approval of church leadership.

he'd built a scale model of an ancient necropolis in the courtyard of his prison, the centerpiece of which was a row of sphinx 13 abreast, 7 feet tall and identically carved. at each of the four corners of the courtyard stood a pure white horse, black funerary plumes mounted on their headtstalls.

they were trained to stand stock still. The Warden was consumed with this and demanded perfection. if one of the horses shied even a foot, it was instantly shot through the head.

geez, i said.

yeah.

..there was a man who worked for The Warden managing the stables. it was his job to train the horses and, when it was ordered, to shoot them with the heavy revolver he wore on his belt. he'd learned not to become attached to the horses, didn't give them names. he'd had to become a hard man, at least on duty.

one horse, though, had outlasted the others. for whatever reason, temperment or training, it had stood motionless while a dozen other horses had been dispatched. in spite of himself, the man had grown to respect this horse. not love or affection, just a dull glimmer of respect. it was all the man would allow himself.

one day, The Warden returned to the prison from a visit to salt lake in a furious temper. he thundered through the courtyard, a constant stream of near-profanities falling back on the lackeys in his wake. when he reached the corner where the old horse stood, he stopped and stared. a long time he stared and the horse stood, unmoving, staring back at him. stableman!, screamed The Warden, shoot this animal immediately!

the man had watched The Warden, had seen that the horse hadn't moved. he crossed to the corner, drew his revolver and shot the horse just behind the eye. it staggered once and fell in a heap at The Warden's feet. The Warden turned and stormed up the prison steps, resuming his tirade as if nothing had broken his stream.

stonefaced, the man dropped his revolver in the dust, turned and walked across the courtyard and through the gate. he walked for miles down the dirt road heading towards salt lake and his home. entering the house, he stood the middle of the room, the front door open behind him. his wife came in from the kitchen, immediately sensing something was wrong. what's happened? she asked, crossing to him. as she came near, he drew her in with his arms and started sobbing; big gasping sobs and kissed her desperately. the kisses grew more aggressive and soon he was biting her face as the sobs reached a crescendo. she struggled to get free and yelled in pain, but his arms held her fast. he kissed and sobbed and bit her and screamed. eventually, she stopped struggling, passed out from the pain.

the neighbors found him sitting cross-legged in the middle of the floor, his faceless wife slumped in pooling blood.

watch this jack knife

2008-08-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

i had a dream last night that i was putting on make up and every time i tried to color in my eyebrows, one of my brows would move to a whole different part of my face.

often you are met with disappointment

2008-08-27T10:00:00.000-07:00

i dreamed i was sitting in the back of a car full of people who were making really good jokes. i wanted everyone in the car to like me and think i was funny, so i chimed in and made a joke about hooking up with a baby. my joke totally bombed.

chris kaman

2008-08-26T09:54:00.000-07:00

i ran into him. he had a mohawk. i told him i really liked it. he told me that he really liked my t-shirt. i looked down and noticed that my t-shirt happened to be the l.a. clippers t-shirt that i had just bought at the d.i. i am really fortunate that i happened to be wearing it, since we became fast friends.

i wasn't paying attention

2008-08-20T11:05:00.000-07:00

and when i looked up, the australian basketball team had made a miraculous comeback and was ahead of the usa basketball team by 8 points with only a minute to go. kobe got a steal and a dunk. wade got a steal and redd hit a 3-pointer. then i woke up and remembered that i had finished watching the usa win by 30 just before i decided to go back to sleep at 8:00a.

she's a twin

2008-08-19T00:43:00.000-07:00

i time travelled back to the morning of 9/11 right after the north tower was hit so i could get some footage for this documentary i was making, and time is frozen so i can just look at the building, but if you say mean things to people they unfreeze and respond. and this other girl gets unfrozen to help me, but instead she tricks me into getting into an elevator with explosives that's heading up to the crash site fires.

9.10.2006

2008-08-14T18:55:00.000-07:00

7:54 a.m.

me and dw are eating pepperoni pizza. suddenly, we are kissing. miraculously i have on cute pink underwear. i think "its a miracle." but i dont have time to do much more because he starts kissing my...

alarm.

Celebs

2008-08-10T15:01:00.000-07:00

I remember that Laura Dern was in my dream last night. She had a lightsaber with her and she was telling me what I could and could not eat.

but it didn't look like his house

2008-08-09T00:49:00.000-07:00

may 6

i was waiting for a bus at an elementary school (i think that's what i was doing but i couldn't figure out what i'd be doing at an elementary school in the first place) and the kids were doing a science experiment were they send up weather balloons but attached to each weather balloon were two cats and a dog. i called bio-robot to tell her but she wanted me to transfer her call to somewhere else -- maybe her parents or a restaurant or something.

for beauty we will pay

2008-08-09T00:39:00.000-07:00

may 14

on vacation with poland jones and fight and we were hanging out in some house with a dog when a lion showed up and the dog attacked and then we -- me, poland jones and fight -- ran out and locked the lion in the house but across the street there were three more lions but in cages then another lion showed up but ended up in a cage (the same lion as before?) then a cop showed up and asked us about all the lions then the one lion got out of the cage and attacked. the cop shot the lion in the head, dead.

guest blogger Brit

2008-08-07T12:43:00.000-07:00

I was standing on the sandy banks of a large riverbed with a math class. When Lisa Bonet from The Cosby Show came over to help me with a hard equation a crazed squid appeared out of the water and started chasing me. All I could do was scream my husband's name.

i had a dream last night

2008-08-07T12:37:00.000-07:00

about Lie groups. mostly my dream consisted of me telling people that you can prove any local property about a Lie group by proving it in a neighborhood about the identity. you know, because of the left translation diffeomorphism. i hope to have better dreams real soon.

I wish

2008-08-04T17:31:00.000-07:00

other people would post their dreams on this blog too. I'm lonely out here.

I've had

2008-07-20T22:37:00.000-07:00

a few dreams lately about people shoving their thumbs up my nose.

Our Lasting Never End Love Story

2008-06-27T10:24:00.001-07:00

I dreamed I was sleeping next to a big fat guy. It was a real shock when I woke up and he was gone.

Having Destroyed Their Car, They Must Float the Earth in a Canoe

2008-06-22T23:47:00.000-07:00

I'm avoiding sleep. But I shouldn't do that, it's really necessary.

Luckily, She Had Bodyguards

2008-06-12T10:17:00.000-07:00

I was in a house that Caleb Nichol blew up and that explosion killed 2 girls and 2 drag queens and my parents didn't care and I had a deaf 3 year old son and could only say "thank you" and "abortion" to him in sign and I had to lock myself in a basement with my best friend Britney Spears.

That's Human Nature For You, Even If You're A Penguin

2008-06-05T23:14:00.000-07:00

I dreamed I convinced Elin to walk down to Mexico to get tacos with me and then I found a skeleton sleeping in the basement.

Curiousity Killed Everything

2008-06-04T09:08:00.000-07:00

I've gone from having dreams about weird stuff like floating wedding receptions and vans with meat freezers, to just pure conscious wish fulfillment. Really. Everything I want in my life that I dont actually have comes to me when I sleep. It's pretty much torture.

Mmmm...Cheese Delights.

2008-05-30T08:52:00.000-07:00

I am starting my 30 day vegan diet tomorrow. Goodbye wonderful, delicious cheese.

My Own Superbowl?

2008-05-22T08:26:00.000-07:00

I was given a medicine dropper and a mixing bowl full of an illegal drug (known only as H) that looked like orange crush and three boys told me that I couldn't get up from the table til I finished the whole bowl.

My Own Discreet Charm

2008-04-24T11:50:00.000-07:00

I woke up from a dream about my mom stealing pillows and sat on the end of my bed trying shake the grog out of me. Then two feral cats pushed their way through my door and started eating my toes. Then I really woke up, terrified.

What Are They Gonna Do With It?

2008-04-13T17:51:00.000-07:00

I got stranded at my parents house and was hoping they'd lend me their futuristic minivan to drive home, but they were having a meat freezer installed, so it didn't work out.

You Still Dial Cell Phones, Don't You?

2008-04-11T16:05:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream that I left a movie with Robert Downey, Jr. in it about shooting people to sneak into a movie with Robert Downey, Jr. in it about loving people.

I dreamt that I woke up and my hair looked perfect...

2008-04-09T08:43:00.000-07:00

Yeah right.

This Is Not A Dream

2008-03-31T15:42:00.000-07:00

What a better dog name?

a) Velcro
b) Jealousy

I'm Off The Friend List

2008-03-31T15:41:00.000-07:00

Elin was a big jerk and I woke up crying. Thanks a heap, roommate.

3.28.07

2008-03-28T11:33:00.001-07:00

My dream last night was a crime drama. I woke up before I found out who the strangler was.

Fly's Open, Let's Go Peay

2008-03-24T08:16:00.000-07:00

I didn't sleep a wink last night.

Glitzy

2008-02-11T18:35:00.000-08:00

I was in an alley or a parking lot somewhere and a gang guy named "8:30 Eric" was showing me his coupe deville.

Poor You, Poor You, No One Understands You...

2008-02-02T11:49:00.000-08:00

There was an elf in my closet last night and if I opened my door, he'd shout TEXARKANA! and frighten me.

How Do I Even Explain This?

2008-01-27T13:36:00.000-08:00

One of those half-asleep dreams in which the Kirtland Temple Sunstone, set on top of a man's body, was doing a little dance on stage. There was a spotlight circling and highlighting different parts as the manstone danced.

I Was So Mean to Her When She Said That...

2008-01-22T08:39:00.000-08:00

I was at a BYU dance with Jack Barlow and we were talking about the porn industry. I asked him if it was anything like Boogie Nights and right as he was about to answer some girl came over and told us that it wasn't appropriate to talk about things like that at the Lord's University.

I Was Invited to the Wedding of Someone I've Never Met

2008-01-10T08:37:00.000-08:00

The couple was on a life raft in the middle of a lake. I had to float up to them in a life vest to say congratulations and once I got to them, instead of well wishes, I said "I don't want to bother you about borrowing a skirt right after you got married".